Batting Babu

  • June 26, 2019

I thought it was because the net was down. As there was nothing I could do, I got dressed and came to office. But I wasn’t feeling alright. That’s when I got to know that.. Why do you look so sad?

– I don’t want to live in this world anymore. Why not? – Porn has been banned.

Maybe switching the browser would do? – I even tried switching the SIM but to no use. You’re feeling this bad over porn?

– To you it may be a trifle. But for millions of single guys like me, porn is life. Mister, what that I understooded is.. Hell with this phone! You’re suffering from Obsessive Complexive Shake the Shaik disorder. So, I’ll have to start the therapy on you immediately. – Would the ban get lifted if you do the therapy on me?

What a loser! By the time the therapy is over, you’ll no longer have the urge to watch those clips! Since when have you been watching porn?

– That’s a nice question. I was 13.. Stop it. I’m feeling drowsy. And also I can’t imagine you as a 13 year old boy. Fine.

Imagine I was just like this when I was 13. – This seems like a decent idea. I was 13.. Chandoo, your mom and I are going out! Be careful. Have I locked all the doors? – Yes, you have.

How come you’re in my flashback? – I wanted to observe your problem up close. Alright! Observe me but don’t disturb me. ‘M-A-L-L-U’ Do it, do it!

A little more! Do it a little more! Why? Why did you stop?

– Get inside the screen and you do it. The guy would do nothing. He just keeps crawling by her side. That is why it is called ‘Mallu’. – I see.

Whatever, let’s watch it. Shit! Someone is home! I’m out of here.

– Don’t! You’re here from the future. No can see you. Go and draw the curtains open while I go answer the door. Hell with the guy who ruined a nice moment!

I desperately used to wait to be home alone. But that wasn’t often. So, I decided to risk it. You are here again? – Of course. ‘T-I-T-A-N-I-C’ You are watching a film?

Not porn? – Back in the day, this film was porn to us. Why are you skipping it forward? – I’m waiting for the car scene. – There is car in Titanic? Of course, there is.

Why won’t it? – This guy knows a great deal. Wow! Now I know why this movie was such a big hit! Hold on, Mr Sharma, I’ll note it down in the laptop!

He took the Titanic away. – He even took the car away! Mr Shamra, I’ll call you right back. Why are you scared? He anyway can’t see you. Had you not risked it, this wouldn’t have happened.

Now all you can watch is cartoons on TV. Where there is a will there is a way. I guess he’s got an idea.

– Yes! Follow me. Bathroom! This is the bedroom for single guys like me. Come in.

Put your mobile on silent! If you mess up our past, our future will be messed up. I’ll show you one nice clip! Cut it! Look at the contrast of their skin tones. I can’t stand it.

When will you guys change? When will you quit racism on basis of colour and creed? At the end of the day, we all are humans. Unity in diversity. Just get out if you don’t want to watch. – Well, I was kidding.

Of course, I want to watch. Why doesn’t the video load? – It is taking years to load.

Let’s watch it in lower quality. – It is better to wait and watch in 1080p than in 480p. Screw this idiot!

Alright, whatever. My hands are tired. – It took you so long.

Is there no water in there? There is no signal in there. – What? He is busted again. This way, even the invisible me while be busted. But what to do?

I want to watch more. – Me too. Give me your phone. What for? – Since I got busted, my dad disconnected the WiFi. I’m still in the past.

I don’t have a smart phone. But you are from the future so you’ll be having phones and data packs. Take out your phone!

I don’t like this guy. He’s got a clean shaved head. We’ll watch something else. Crap!

The same guy is in this video too. Move to the next video. Man, this guy is everywhere! I hated his clean shaved head and his biceps! I just can’t stand him. Who the hell is he?

Who the hell he is? He is Johnny Sins! He is a diamond among all us men. There is no position which he doesn’t know.

He essayed all kinds of roles, be it a doctor or a soldier or a teacher or a postman or an astronaut, and he nailed them all. Johnny Sins is hundreds of men rolled into one. He is also my inspiration. Going by what you said, I’m sure he is a great man. So, from morning to night, I kept on shaking.

I ran out of all sites and videos. Initially, I used to watch once a week but then, I started watching thrice a day. – Thrice a day? What an idiot you are. Even I thought the same.

One day I got really scared. ‘This is the 10th time this week. At this rate, I may die.’

‘Will any girl want to marry me? Can I look after her well?’ What did you do to come out of the depression? -I used to shake it again.

I’ll skip forward the scene. – Wait! Why are you skipping it? It is a fine scene. Dear, I’m busy. I’ll call you later.

Why did you change the video? – Because the video began abruptly. Any porn video should have a story, a need, a purpose.

Only then can we enjoy it. Do you want to watch such a video. – Of course I want to. Why won’t I? This white girl is hungry.

So, she ordered for a pizza. You see this tattoed guy. He is the pizza delivery guy. Here, he gets into the lift. He gets off at the 3rd floor.

He goes and rings the door bell. The white girl opens the door. This is poor girl has no money to pay for the pizza. – Wait, wait! Why did she order pizza if she has no money. – Because it is not pizza that she wants.

What does she want then? Good morning, Chandoo. – There is nothing good about this morning. What do you mean? – Porn has been banned today. Even I was as shocked as you when I first heard.

Let’s go now. Where to? – Back to the present. Back to your clinic. Today is the day when you come to my clinic, right?

Then I should be in the clinic before you arrive. Now do you feel my pain, doctor? – I do. But there is nothing in our hands.

– My point exactly. There is nothing in my hands. Don’t cry, Chandoo. Wipe your tears. What a pity that I’m using a tissue only to wipe my tears. I can understand your pain, Chandoo.

But there is nothing we can do. So, I’d say, take it easy. – What! You want me to take it easy? Hey! Why are you raising your hand at me?

– Because there is nothing else I can do with it. If I’m to take it easy, why would I even take you to my past? And you ask me to take it easy? Are you even a doctor? Yes, I am! What?

36 missed calls? By the way, who is it that is calling you? – It is my girlfriend. Doctor, you have a girlfriend?

Had I known this, I wouldn’t have even come here. Is this why you asked me to take it easy? Than trusting someone like you it is better single men, like me, trust our hands. Good bye!

– Boy, wait up! Hey, wait.. I shouldn’t have gone into this past. Now, even I’ve got addicted to porn. Now what am I to do?

You made a video on porn? Is there nothing better you could’ve done? Give me your phone. – What for? I want to go through your browse history.

– I’m out of here. – Why are you so scared? Everyone watches porn. But for the sake of the society, everyone acts so decent.

These hypocrites are the reason porn got banned. If you want to take down such hypocrisy, like, share and subscribe. Also, hit that little bell thing there.

Candice Lawrence

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